Just Once
by Giraffe
Summary: Angel leaves Buffy and she turns to Spike. Still denying that she loves him. Please R/R
1. Alone

Authors Note: Hi! Okay so I know that this part of the story is short. Oh well. It is just the prologue. This is not a B/A story. It's a B/S story. I am writing this story cause I love to read B/S story's so I thought I should give back to Fan-Fiction!  
  
Alone  
  
"Angel please don't leave me. You are all I have left. Please!" Buffy stops pleading to let out a choking sob. Tears streaming down her face, she watches Angel walk down the street. "Please!"  
  
"Buffy, please don't make this hard. You have always deserved more then I could give you," Angel says to her. He turns his head and picks up his suitcase.  
  
"Angel, no!"  
  
"Good-bye, Buffy" 


	2. To Hold

Author's Note: Just to let you know that my chapters will not be to long or to short. Do me a fave, though, R/R! Thanx  
  
To Hold  
  
Buffy ran the short distance to the cemetery, after what had just happened she needed to let off steam. She thought the idea of thinking that every vamp she dusted was Angel. They had been together since she was sixteen; he had been her first. She had wanted him to be her last. Buffy felt cold and alone, first her friends, family, and the SIT's , now Angel. The only two people that thought she could do this was Spike and Andrew.  
  
When Angel found out that they had kissed when they were under Sweet's spell, he was furious. She still didn't know how she felt about it. It had been wonderful and yet at the back of her mind she knew it had been wrong. Spike had sung a song for her, Angel had not. 'Stop it,' she yelled in her head. 'No more comparing. It will just get me confused'.  
  
Before she could think anything else she felt the tingles. Vamp, close. At first she thought it was Angel coming back to her to say he was sorry. That he loved her. But then she smelled him. Despite her-self she was happy he was here.  
  
"Where is Peaches?" he asked when she turned to face him. His trade mark smirk on his face.  
  
"Gone," she said. Her voice showed that she on the brink of tears.  
  
"Bloody, Peaches," he said. "How could he? What when he knew this is when you are going to need him the most.  
  
"Spike, please don't"  
  
"What he breaks your heart and you still defend him. Of course, Bloody Angel, can't do a damn thing wrong. What is wrong with you, slayer?" Before she had the chance to reply he storms off.  
  
'Bloody hell. Who does she think she is messing with, I'm the Big Bad,' he thought. He was about to go back to tell her to bug off, and never see her again. And then of course kick her ass, when he thought of the look on her face, the tears on her cheek. Instantly his feet turned him around this time, though, to comfort her.  
  
He found her alone sitting against a tomb- stone. Crying. "Careful, love, a little fledgling might pop up," he said trying to make her laugh. She just looked at him with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, instantly he was sitting by her and holing her and for once she didn't make him let go. 


	3. Thank you hug

Author's Note: I would like to thank my sister cause she has told me whether this story is any good and what I would need to fix it. Thanx  
  
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. (  
  
I like Faith, I'm just trying to get into the mind of the writers that are the minds of Buffy. Just to let u know I bash everyone except for Spike (super hot) in this.  
Buffy let him hold her, if only for now. It felt normal, comfortable. She had never thought that she would let Spike hold her. After all mortal enemy, hello. With his arms around her she knew she was safe. Yes, he was a vamp, but she knew he loved her. She just wouldn't let her-self admit that to him, or, for that matter, to any one else.  
  
She still could not believe Angel had left, he was a brooding idiot. But she missed him and at times she found herself wishing that it was his arms that held her, but then she caught herself. And of course realized, that Spike was the only one, that would stand by her side.  
  
Giles, Willow, Xander, Dawn, every one that mattered the most had turned on her. They had kicked her out of her own home, so Super Slut, Faith, could lead the SIT's. If they thought she could do a better job then they deserved her. At that time nothing could surpress the anger she felt to every one in that house. She almost wished that when she went crazy and tried to kill all of them, she had succeeced.  
  
But one thing, she was sure of was that the Vinyard the sorce of power, and she planned on going there. With Spike, and of course herself. It was weird how everyone she trusted had betrayed her and yet her old enemys were the only ones that trusted her and that she trusted back. She missed her bed and the comfort of her own home, she missed her-so-called-friends and family. But they were dead to her now, she didn't care. Just like she was dead to them. And she almost hoped that Super Slut would run them into the ground.  
  
If only Willow and her other so-called-friends had not brought her back, the first, none of this would have happened. She would still be in heaven, all the warm happy thoughts back in her head. Instead she was here, in a living hell. With her friends and family as the Devil and it's demons. In fact she could picture Faith's head with horns.  
  
"Spike, do you know?" she asked not knowing if word had gotten back to him.  
  
"Know what, love?"  
  
"Oh Spike" she quickly told him the whole story, even every detail with Angel. And when she was done his blue eyes were a mist of hate and anger. She knew who he was mad at. Towards the ones who had hurt her. And she knew why. He loved her, and what hurt her hurt him.  
  
"Oh, love. I'm so sorry. You can sleep at my place. I mean there isn't a lot left. But I cleaned everything up, so it's liveable. I'll even stay there with you, with the promise of not trying to seduce you," he told her, pure love in his voice. At the last words, though, he wagged his eyebrows. And Buffy smiled, despite herself. "Come on, your tired, lets get you to my place," he said helping her up. She took his hand.  
  
"Thank you, Spike" They slowly walked back to his crypt and he put her to bed. Soon she was fast asleep, almost like she had lived there all her life. He went upstairs to warm himself a glass of blood and mix it with vodka. At times like these it was time to get a little drunk. But upstairs there sat Dawn, waiting for him.  
  
"Dawn" he said it coldly. He looked at her with icy eyes. It hurt her to hear him say her name with such hate. She knew Buffy had told him.  
  
"Spike, I..," she was stopped by him talking to her.  
  
"No, Dawn. Don't say anything. Just go," he said with the same tone. She turned around and left without trying to defend herself. He walked back down stairs and saw Buffy standing there in one of his long shirts. His face softened as did hes eyes and voice.  
  
"Thank you, Spike," she leaned over and hugged him, not a tight I love you hug, just a thank you for protecting me hug. And right then, that was all he needed. 


	4. Confrontation

Author's Note: Hellooooooo, any reviews out there. Come on people, I know you can do better then this. I don't care if it's mean; I just want the truth so I can try to make it to your liking. Almost the only thing I won't do is not having this story as a B/S story. Almost. So tell me all your complaints and praises and if u don't want any one else to read it email it 2 me.  
  
Disclaimer: Again this is not mine. I just like to twist their love lives to my liking. Hahaha. Evil Grin  
  
Buffy woke to the sound of Spike sipping a blood filled mug. Buffy had not been ready to face Dawn or anyone else for that matter. She was still tired mentally, but physically she was fine. If only slayers could have super healing powers when it came to love and to friends. That would be so much better. As it was now she didn't think she could make it. But that made it all the more easier to sacrifice herself, if the time came.  
  
When she thought about it she knew she did not have that much left to make her want to live, other than the love and friendship of a vamp- that sometimes she could not even stand.  
  
Yes, Buffy was starting to like Spike but only as a friend. She wanted him to be clear on that. She could feel him watching her. He was lying on the floor. He made good with the promise of not trying to seduce her. And she appreciated that, even though she knew he wanted nothing more then her.  
  
It hurt her to think about anything, there was to much pain in the last day. It had been to much. She had been kicked out of her own home and then that night Angel had left her. They always left her, and she was always left a lone. All slayers were.  
  
"Slayer, you might as well stop pretending to be asleep. I can hear your heart beat," Spike said.  
  
"I was not," she told him. He looked her in the face, mockingly serious. She couldn't help but giggle" Okay so I was, so get all mean and grumpy on me," she said, a fake pout on her lips. Then she remembered every thing that had happened in the last day, and slowly the grin turned into a frown and the frown turned into to soft silent tears.  
  
He of course could feel the change in the room. He quickly got up and went to her. He didn't say anything to her, he just let her cry on his shoulder.  
  
"Spike, I'm going to go out and get something to eat and some fresh air. Maybe it will do me some good. Do you want anything?" she asked him  
  
"No, thanks". He let her climb up and get dressed in the top part of his crypt. He heard her slam the door shut. He didn't think she would be back, though where she would go, he didn't know. Buffy slowly walked around the town, not hungry. Despite herself she walked toward her old home. She stood at the tree she knew Spike had looked from, to watch her. She saw Faith and SIT's training and Dawn sitting on the couch staring off into the dark. Almost like a normal day, except it was missing her. Then She saw Giles look at the window and see her. She tried to move away and not let him see her. She would ask Spike how he never got caught when she went out. Her first reaction was to run, but she just stood there. She had a right to be walking. Giles came walking toward her.  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry," he said  
  
"Giles, don't," she said. "You know what gets me, I said I could only trust Spike, but you guys were the ones I loved. And yet, you betrayed me, I guess I was right only to trust Spike. You were always like a dad to me Giles, so I guess it's just normal for you to run out on me, just like my real dad did. Dawn," she said, her voice broke in a quiet sob. "Dawn was my sister, she has my own blood running in her veins and she kicked me out. Do you know what that feels like, Giles? No. Well, now I do. So good luck with Faith, I hope you become close to her. And she gets to be like a daughter to you. Cause all you guys deserve her and each other". With that she turned and ran. Sobbing as she went. The thing she wanted most right then was Spike's arms around her to soothe her and tell her he loved her. 


	5. Run

Author's Note: Hello, peoples. What's 2 w/u guys? N2MH! Well, I want u guys to review. Please! Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Please!  
  
Disclaimer: These guys aren't mine. Crying, but I can at least I can mess with them! Smile. Yeah! (  
Buffy ran to him, just like it was natural. And what scared her most is that she liked the feeling of having him to run to. It felt right, and good. She ran all the way to his crypt knowing that the safety of his arms would welcome her there. She had no doubt that they would they always had. And just like she knew they always would.  
  
When she got there, there lay Spike on a coffin. A vamp's favorite bed, Spike's was actually quite comfy. He looked at her as though he was amazed that she had come back, maybe he thought that when she had left she had not planned to come back. He saw the tears on her face and she instantly went to him. Just letting him dry her tears. She slowly retold him everything that had happened, slowly because she could not tell him between the loud sobs that interrupted her.  
  
"Buffy, you need to get some sleep, go on down and get some rest," he told her. Some how he had a way of reading her mind. She told him good night and went down to sleep. She did not rest well though. Thoughts of Dawn and her friends were in her mind. To many bad memories had been created over the last two days. So when Spike came down and stared at her, she was awake. He didn't know she was, but she felt him. She also heard it when the door slammed and he went out.  
  
Her curiosity got to her, what was that saying curiosity killed the cat? Her movements were swift and silent, after all she had been moving like this ever since she was sixteen almost every night. She thought he was going to a demon bar or to go kill something, that is why she was surprised when she found that he had gone to her house. He just barged right in the door too; she had to hear what he was saying to them.  
  
He was outraged, and finally he had seen the opportunity to go talk to Watcher, Wanker, Red, Bit, Demon Girl, Faith, and Glenda. He found them all sitting there just talking, about Buffy. No doubt Watcher was telling them all about his encounter with his mad slayer. All at once they all looked up at him, and it seemed to him they were waiting for him to hurt them. Oh if only he could have he would have. But Buffy stopped him, he knew she would be mad if he did.  
  
"So, somebody wanted to get all high and mighty. Whose idea was it to kick the Slayer out of her own home? Was it you, Slut?" he asked looking over at Faith. She shook her head no and looked at the rest of them. He had never really liked any of them except the Bit and now his disliking of all of them had been justified. "Or what about you, Watcher?" he gave him a mean scowl and looked over at Bit. "Do you what you have done to her. What she has been forced to do? She has no where to go, so she lives with me. Her friends and family left her and now I'm all she has," he said, so mad he could spit.  
  
"I thought that was what you always wanted Spike," Xander said  
  
"Yeah, course it was, but not at the expense of her feelings, of her whole life. Cause that is what you guys were to her you bloody idiots. No words can describe how much I hate you all. And Bit, I thought you were special, more like your sis then these bloody idiots, I guess I was wrong" With that he turned and left, but he heard some one come out with him.  
  
"Spike, I never meant for any of this to happen," Faith said "I don't know how to lead a damn army"  
  
"Faith, unlike Buffy, I don't have to pretend to like you". He turned around and punched her in the jaw. He then started to run back to his crypt. Buffy followed him secretly making sure she made little or no noise. She ran faster then him so she could get back and be "asleep".  
  
Dawn was still amazed by what he had said to them all. She was playing his words in her head. And Bit, I thought you were special, more like your sis then these bloody idiots, I guess I was wrong, they went through her head over and over. She had always valued is friendship and love, but it seemed to her that in one mistake she had lost her best friend, and what seemed to be her brother all in one. She would miss him, but she wasn't sure if she had made the wrong decision or not. She missed her sister yes, but she knew that Buffy had not been with them.  
  
But she had kicked her own sister out her sister's home. And in one swoop had lost everything she loved and worked so hard to keep. She wasn't sure she was so confused. No one was the same in the house. Living out shadows of there old lives. The only one who seemed happy about Buffy being gone were the SIT's. She had taken a disliking for all of them, and she didn't know how Willow could betray Tara by being with Kennedy. She felt a void in her life that could only be filled by her sister and Spike.  
  
That night when they kicked her out her sister had been so mad at Faith, but she did not know why. She wasn't sure what Faith had done. But she knew she wasn't the only one who had noticed the bruise on her face. It was not form the bad-police either. They all knew whom it was from. She wasn't sure why Buffy hated Faith so much. She had killed people, but so had Willow. She had been on the dark side, so had Willow. They had all made their little mistakes, but Buffy always forgave her friends.  
  
Her sister's words came back to her then. They were both under ground and crying. "I want to see you become a women," she had said. She had wanted to see everything go back to how it had been. She had finally gotten her sister back only to lose her again, this time, though, it was her own fault. She knew what she had to do. And she was going to do it, she could not stand this any longer. She missed her sister too much.  
  
She jumped up from the couch walked out the door and ran towards Spike's crypt. 


	6. A Kiss

Authors note: This chapter is dedicated to spuffiness and reconciliation between three characters. The last episode got me in the mood for spuffiness. The first song is called "Things I'll never Say" by Avril Lavigne, the Second song is called "Wondering" by Good Charlotte, and the last song is called "Hanging By a Thread" By Nickel Creek.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
Luckily Buffy got back before Spike did, and when he had she was watching his television. She had to admit that she was so happy right then. "Because of Spike," she thought to herself.  
  
"Slayer, you want to go some where? I'm feeling restless". He walked into the room; he must have sensed her.  
  
"Yeah, to the Bronze?" she asked him. She hadn't been there in so long. Not since Spike had told her that she belonged in the darkness with him. She had not danced for so long. It would feel good to let all the bad energy goes out of her from the swaying of her hips. He nodded and she got up to get ready. She had time to get her clothes before she left; she wouldn't leave them for Faith or Dawn to wear. She picked out tight black pants and a red top that had no back, only strings. By the look on Spike's face he liked her choice. And weirdly enough that made her happy. They left together arm in arm. "Like we are going off to see the Wizard of Oz," Buffy thought. "Except the Cowardly Lion was a hot, not so cowardly, vampire.  
  
When they got there, there were couples on the dance floor, holding each other close. A familiar slow song playing. Soon though a fast song came on and Buffy got up to dance.  
  
"I'm tugging at my hair. I'm pulling on my clothes. I'm trying to keep my cool. I know it shows."  
  
Buffy knew the song well. It was one of her favorites. "It reminds me of Spike and I," she though. "Whoa, where did that come from?" She noticed him watching her, smiling slightly.  
  
"I'm staring at my feet. My cheeks are turning red. I'm searching for the words inside in my head  
  
I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you are worth it  
  
If I could say what I want to say I say I want to blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I wanted to see I say I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say  
  
It don't do me any good It's just a waste of time What use is it to you what is on my mind If it ain't' comin' out it's not goin' anywhere So why can't I just tell you that I care?  
I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you are worth it I could say what I want to say I say I want to blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I wanted to see I say I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say  
  
What is wrong with my tongue? These words keep slipping away I stutter I stumble like I've got nothin' to say  
  
I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you are worth it  
  
I could say what I want to say I say I want to blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I wanted to see I say I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say"  
  
When the song was over Buffy was out of breath as she walked back over to Spike. "Gosh, it feels like so long. Why don't you dance? I get to pick a song and you have to come dance with me, alright?" she told him  
  
"Fine, but I'm not bloody dancing like that. It'll ruin my Big Bad image," he told her smirking  
  
"I think you already did that" she told him laughing. When a rock song she decided to make him come dance with her.  
  
"If you want me to wait I will wait for you If you tell me stay I will stay right through If you don't want to say anything at all, I'm happy wondering  
  
Since I was a young man, I never was a fun man I never had a plan no security in Then ever since I met you I never could forget you I only want to get you right here next to me  
  
Cause every body needs some one they can trust And you're somebody that I found just in time  
  
If you want me to wait I will wait for you If you tell me stay I will stay right through If you don't want to say anything at all, I'm happy wondering  
  
Now my life is changing it always rearranging It always getting stranger then I thought it ever could Ever since I found you I want to be around you I wanna get down to the point that I need you  
  
Cause everybody needs someone that they can trust And you are somebody that I found just in time  
  
If you want me to wait I will wait for you If you tell me stay I will stay right through If you don't want to say anything at all, I'm happy wondering  
  
Don't tell me the bad news. Don't tell me anything at all Just tell me that you need me and stay right here with me  
  
If you want me to wait I will wait for you If you tell me stay I will stay right through If you don't want to say anything at all, I'm happy wondering"  
  
Buffy had to admit that Spike could not dance, at least fast. And he knew that too.  
  
"You were awful," she tells him, laughing.  
  
"Thanks, love, I'll take that as a compliment," he smirks at her and wags his eyebrows. It had been fun, dancing with him. When she was dancing with him she could think of no other place she wanted to be.  
  
"Do you want something to drink, love?"  
  
"Yeah, a screw driver. Thanks".  
  
Spike walked slowly to the bar. When he got there he saw a hooker who was staring at him.  
  
"Fifty bucks, blondie," she said  
  
"Sorry, here with some one," he told her the slightest edge in his voice. He ordered the drinks and left. A fast song just ended and a slow song was about to come on. He put down Buffy's drink on the table.  
  
"May I have this dance?"  
  
"Sure" She got up, obviously a slight bit doubtful. But when they started to dance it felt right.  
  
"There is a kind of emptiness that can fill you There is a kind of hunger that can eat you up There is a cold a darker side of the moonlight And there is a lonely side of love  
  
With you here, baby, I am strong No sign of weakness gone I am hanging by a thread With you  
  
There is a certain kind of pain that can numb you There is a type of freedom that can tie you down Sometimes the unexplainable can define you And sometimes silence is the only sound  
  
With you here, baby, I am strong No sign of weakness gone I am hanging by a thread With you  
  
With you here, baby, I am strong No sign of weakness gone I am hanging by a thread With you"  
  
At the end Buffy's and Spike's lips were locked in a long hungry kiss. 


	7. Complete

Author's Note: Ah, now wasn't that nice. Anxiously waiting the next episode. So sad that this is the last season of Buffy. But hey they want James Marters (Spike) to go to Angel so I'm really happy about that, even though I don't get WB 53. I have friends in recording places. (Friends High Places, is a song by Garth Brookes). Ha ha ha. I made a funny, he he he. Again with the Spuffiness. This is the "bad chapter", basically they are gonna sleep together. No details though. Sorry. Come on I'm only 13. Lol. . Okay so after I saw the last episode I think she is going to find the sword. Of course, now I wish I had thought about that.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm getting sick and tired of doing this but hey if I don't it's against the law, so I have to. Oh well. These characters are not mine, but if they were Buffy and Spike would have always been together. Lol.  
  
By the time Buffy and Spike got back to his crypt she was out of breath and of course he wasn't breathing at all. (Authors Note: I made another funny. Ne ways back to my story) In the back of Buffy's head she heard herself screaming that he was a soulless vamp, but she felt loved and complete. She broke off from him needing breath and she heard him purr softly. He pulled her back to him and kissed her deeply. One of the things she liked about him, he purred, like a little kitty-cat. Which gave him a vulnerable adorable type of image. Big Bad turned soft.  
  
Spike pulled off her shirt. And she couldn't say she was complaining. (See Author's Note. Use your imagination. I'm sure you know what just happened, so don't ask me to put that part in more details, please.)  
  
Buffy woke up from a blissful sleep filled with Spikish thoughts. At first when she woke up she thought that it had all been a crazy dream, but then she felt his body by her side. Then she went in to old habits, like when they had kissed, she had denied that it had meant anything at all, but it had meant something. At the time she hadn't been sure what. She got up and found a radio by the bed. She needed top listen to something so she turned it on.  
  
"Just counting down the minutes  
I was wishing on the stars  
I was praying for a sign  
Just trying to beat the odds  
I was dreaming of you  
  
For a moment Buffy was surprised that Spike had this station on, but then she remembered the soft purring kitty-cat and she wasn't. She climbed into the bed by him, molding her body to his. Just wanting to cuddle not anything else.  
  
"On the floor  
That you were waiting for that day.  
  
Then you reached through that hurricane  
When you, Baby, you call my name  
You broke through the stone  
You turned back the day  
Baby you are the fire  
Burning in the midnight sky  
And your love keeps taking me higher  
Just when all hope was gone,  
Where a hero belongs there you were  
  
She got out of bed and turned off the radio, tears on her cheek. It was too close to her heart. (Author's Note: Actually I stopped the song because I could not understand most of the words. When it say you turned back the day, it's supposed to be night, but night is when she gets to be with Spike so I changed that. That song is by Jessica Simpson and Mark Anthony. It is called there you were. It is on Jessica Simpson's CD Irresistible. It is number 4. I thought it was appropriate. It is a very pretty song). She went up to the top and got a piece of paper and wrote on it:  
  
Spike,  
  
Thank you for last night. I'll be back, but I have some unfinished business with a preacher. If I don't come back don't worry. I just went to get coffee. (Smile)  
  
Love,  
  
Elizabeth  
  
She wasn't sure about the love or Elizabeth, but it fit. She went back and added A.K.A Slayer. Now it fit. She got her coat Dawn had stolen for her and started to walk slowly to the vineyard.  
  
Spike got up and slowly turned only to find an empty bed on the rumpled sheets, but there was a note. It was short and sweet, but it made him feel better. He got slowly out of bed and walked up to the stairs, stumbling over the steps. He grunted and thought about how funny he must have looked. Rumpled hair, sleepy eyes, but then flashes from last night came back to him. His face lifted into a smile and he wondered just where Buffy was right then.  
  
Buffy took her time getting to the vineyard. To her there was no reason to hurry. Every looked as if it were dream. The town was peaceful for once and she wished that Spike could be there to enjoy this moment with her. Birds sang in their nests and flew around her head. With no one there the demon population had sky rocketed but at that second there were no demons, It was like this moment had been created just for her.  
  
The green trees rocked with a steady wind, not cold just cool. It was a slow steady wind that only the east and south had. (I'm from the south, so I had to put that in. Hehehe). It took hold of your clothes and your very soul it seemed like. Carrying it away to your thoughts.  
  
Right then Buffy's thoughts were on Spike and the night they had shared last night. It had been out of need not out of love she told herself. She didn't love him. He was soulless. It had meant something. That was sure, but what she wasn't sure. It wasn't love.  
  
The sunny day was almost a sing to Buffy. She was sunshine and right then sunshine was winning over night. Not that she didn't love the night. She had a bit of both. (Sunshine- good guys. Night: Bad guys). They both appealed to two different sides of her. The night appealed to her darkness, her loneliness, and her deep and unhappy thoughts. The sunshine of her is what every one got to see. Lately though, it seemed the night was taking over her. She loved the sun and the beauty of the way it hit the trees and ground, and just every thing. But there was something about night that made it even more beautiful sure in Sunnyhell you had to slay demons at night. But it was still beautiful. The stars, the soft mystic look, and the way moon shined.  
  
By the time she had gotten to the vineyard she had thought over almost every situation over and had finished her analogy of day and night. It was no problem getting into the vineyard. When she thought there she saw a sword in the stone. Walking over to it slowly she pulled slightly and it came right out. Wow I feel like Arthur she said to herself.  
  
"Buffy, you might want to put that down. That is not for you, you could hurt yourself," preacher boy said (Caleb). Just then she noticed the form over in the corner, he came closer to her menacingly.  
  
"What, this thing?" She waved it towards his face and smiled angelically. "What scared of a sword? I thought you were the all-powerful preacher. Oh, Slayer has a sword, lets run away. Fight Caleb," she told him.  
  
"Caleb, let her go"  
  
"I can take her"  
  
"Let her go, we'll get it back. All in due time. Trust me" Buffy was surprised that the first was letting her off so easy. The sword must be powerful, if she was so scared that Buffy would kill her right hand man with it.  
  
Buffy ran back to the crypt and found Spike talking to Dawn.  
  
"Buffy" her little sister ran to her and cried on her shoulder.  
  
"Dawn, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Buffy, I'm so sorry. We need you. Please come back. It's so horrible with out you. Faith lead the SIT's into a trap and all of some of our best fighters were killed by a bomb and more uber-vamps. I miss you so much. God, Buffy, I love you so much. Everyone does. They are just to stubborn to admit it, but I'm not," Dawn rushed on and on. All Buffy could think about was being here with Dawn and feeling so happy. She had been complete last night and now she was complete. They had all made a mistake and it made her feel good to know that they all still needed her.  
  
"Dawn, it's okay. I'll come back. Just give me a few minutes with Spike, okay?" The young girl nodded and walked out the door. "Spike, don't say anything. I don't know what last night meant, but it meant something to me and to you. Just give me time to figure it all out". With that she walked down stairs and got all her things.  
  
"Dawn, I need to tell you something". Buffy's conscience had been nagging at her all the walk home and now they were right in front of Revello Drive.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I slept with Spike last night," she blurted out. Dawn didn't say anything and Buffy thought she may kick her out again. But then she broke into a grin.  
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
"I don't know," she said truthfully. She shut up though as they walked through the door. They all excepted her back gratefully. But she wasn't sure how good it felt to be back. Good news was, though, no weird day after between her and Spike. 


	8. My Good Byes

Author's note: Okay so in this chapter we are jumping ahead about three days, maybe? I don't know, but basically everything happened the same, except for the fact that she kissed Angel, which if you didn't get that, she didn't. Hey, it's not a B/A romance it's a B/S. And I don't like Angel with Buffy, I like him with Cory, so ne way. How old id Kennedy anyway. I thought she was like 16, cause if she is Willow that is called cradle robbing. That would just be disgusting. Okay anyway on with the story. I'm going to try to do this from everyone's different POV. It may be confusing so if it is please tell me in you review and I will try to make it less complicated. The poem/ song by Spike is actually a song By Garth Brookes called to make you feel my love. Angst warning on this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: Yadda Yadda Yadda. I swear Joss stole the idea from me. Actually, and unfortunately, it was all Joss. Although, I can think of a few things that would make the show better.  
  
"Buffy, what are we going to do now?" they all asked.* It wasn't like I knew. But for once I could be normal, I could be a normal girl. Like I've always wanted to be. I'm not the only slayer* I smile at that. * No more daily patrols I can be more like a normal girl *. At that I smile, some one must have thought I was agreeing with them because I was slightly aware of them saying 'See even Buffy agrees about it'. Not to sure who said that but for some reason it makes me snap out of my own thoughts.  
  
"Buffy, don't you think we should go to Angel's?" Faith asks me.  
  
"No!" I shout. "No Angel, no nothing. I want to go back to my home, even if it is one hundred feet below ground at the moment. I need some things and after that I don't know. Some of the buildings are still in tact down there and I'm not ready to leave" * I leave it at that, not wanting to announce to all my friends that I just want to go and mourn my dead lover in peace. The man I loved, no love, is gone and all I want to do is go back to his crypt say my good byes and cry a little and then see what happens. I'm not ready to leave the one place I had to share with him*.  
  
Willow's POV  
  
"Dawn, come here for a minute," I say. Of course worry is in my voice Buffy is acting like a dead women on legs. *Well, no dead women have legs. Like a dead woman that is alive, but dead inside. Is that it? Has Buffy finally given hope all hope now that Spike is gone? Did he really mean that much to her? I mean they slept together, but that was all, right? I mean there was nothing wrong with Spike. He had a soul now, and he was just like Angel, just he didn't lose his soul when in complete pleasure. But he didn't sleep with Buffy after he came back. Ew, bad Willow, no more Buffy and Spike sex talk *.  
  
"What, Will?"  
  
"Listen, Dawn. I want you to watch over Buffy. She needs you right now she needs all of us. Spike's death really brought her down, so just you know no Spike talk or anything. If she needs you help her. Okay?"  
  
"Yeah, Will. Will do". At that she walks off obviously less worried then I am. I can't help, the last time I lost somebody I went all dark murder-y, and if Buffy did that nothing would be left. * Of course then she wouldn't be able to get back into heaven to see Spike and of course that is where he is. How could he not be, I mean he saved the world, and was a soulless vamp for a long time but still he helped us. For only one reason, I guess, for Buffy. He loved her so much and it's too late now, but she loved him just as much. Maybe it was their fault for not helping her realize it. But even if it wasn't, but she still felt guilty. I mean I think he was the love of her life and she didn't even realize it until it was to late, till it was to late. What if I had never known Tara and knew that I loved her and then right after Warren had shot her. And then Tara had never believed her after she had said it*. Just the thought of Warren made her mad, she could feel her tips turn black, but she controlled herself.  
  
"Willow, are you okay?" Xander asked.  
  
"Uh, what? Oh, yeah, fine. Everything is peachy-keen in Willow land"  
  
Xander's POV  
  
*It didn't sound to me like every thing was peachy-keen in Willow land  
or Buffy-land. Both of my best friends are going crazy, for unknown  
reasons. Well, maybe not. Buffy missed Spike and Willow was obviously  
worried about Buffy and remembering Tara. Now we have all lost someone  
we love. Anya, Tara, Spike, Joyce, Angel, Riley, I think Buffy has  
more people then we do. I mean what she is the Slayer, but she is  
never going to lose us scoobies. And now she can be a normal girl,  
just like Willow. Oh, God! Two Willows no! Maybe like, well, no one he  
knew was normal so he didn't know someone he could say. Even Cordy had  
her visions, and Anya had her demony-ness and of course how she had a  
passion for talking about sex when no one else wanted to hear about  
it. Ah, she was so independent, so beautiful, so Anya. He would miss  
her, he just wished he could take back the day of the wedding. He had  
always wanted a second chance, but after a while there seemed to be  
nothing left there. He still loved her, just not in the same fiery  
passion he had before. He loved her like some one loved some one after  
they had been best friends for a long time. She knew that he had and  
she had gone down saving Andrew. Like he said always doing the stupid  
thing. I'll miss*  
  
"Xander, what is up with you? Are you okay?" Dawn asks me.  
  
"Yeah, Dawnster. Great". Oh God, now I'm spacing. * Bad Xander,  
Bad*  
  
Buffy's POV (A/N: This is probably about a day later. Buffy is in  
Spike's Crypt saying her 'Goodbye')  
  
His crypt still smelled like him. A mixture of blood, cigarette smoke, and something she had never been able to place. Of course the crypt was mostly in ruins, the same as everything else in Sunny Dale. There were still some things left, though. Things that had made Spike , well, Spike. His t.v. which was surprisingly working, a pack a cigarettes, and something Buffy had never seen before. A notebook. Being her nosy self, Buffy picked it up, some of the pages had been ripped out and the writing was smeared from water, but still she could read it.  
  
To make you feel my love. To: Buffy  
  
When the rain is blowing in your face and  
The whole world is on your case  
I would offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love  
  
The evening shadows and stars  
There is no one to dry your tears  
I would hole you for a million years  
To make you feel my love  
  
And I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
Known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong  
  
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
There isn't anything I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love  
  
Storms a raging on a rolling sea  
Down the highway of regret (A/N: I don't know if that part is right)  
Winds of change are blowing wild and free  
But you haven't seen anything like me yet  
  
There isn't anything I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of this earth for you  
Make you happy make your dreams come true  
To make you feel my love  
  
By the time I was done, tears were rolling down my face. I could almost see him writing this.  
  
"Good bye, Spike," I said. Slowly I sank to the floor and cried. 


	9. To Love and To Lose

A/N: Since I'm kind of lazy I decided to go forward in time again to about a year. I'll explain things as I go and yes, different POV's again. And yes this will be in Sunny Dale, but you know, um, it's re-built now. It will also eventually be a B/S story, but I want to try to make this more than eight chapters long. I may turn this into a cross over with Angel; I'm not to sure yet. I just kind of write when a good idea comes to me. So I would very much appreciate it if you told me if you wanted me to cross over with Angel. Of course I won't make it a B/A relationship time, but I can think of some things I could do to make it interesting. (Evil laugh). I am so mean to you guys, but hey, I'm a writer. *=Thought **= Dream ***= Powers That Be  
  
Disclaimer:Blah, Blah, Blah I see and hear my fingers typing the words this is not mine, but all I hear is they are yours over and over. Ha! Okay so that was corny, but hey, do you guys really care?  
  
Buffy's Pov  
  
The Bronze had been re-built, just like everything in SunnyDale, even the cemeteries. Of course demons still came and there were still plots to destroy the world, but most of it had settled down, eventually. At first, when every one came back, they had all wondered. But now, everything was as normal as it's ever been. I had had a hard time trying to explain to the police that there had been a meteor, but soon they had excepted it, just like always. My friends went back to being good old scoobies and everything was almost perfect. Almost. I saw him everywhere, in everyone. No one did not look like him, no one. I always heard his voice, or smelled him. Every time I felt my spine tingle with Slayer senses, I thought it was him. Every time I saw a blond head, it was him. I saw him when I was awake, I saw him when I was asleep, and I could not get him out of my head. I was getting better, slowly excepting that he was gone. Some times, though, after I had had a vivid dream, I would be right back to where I was.  
  
"Buffy, please come dance," Willow asked. Her and Kennedy had been dating now for almost a year and a half. I can still see pain in her eyes when she thought about Tara, but Kennedy made her happy. I don't think a lot of her, but Wills likes her, so she can't be that bad. Even Xander was getting back into the dating world. He didn't have a steady girlfriend right now, but he will. "Buffy?" she asks again  
  
"Okay, Wills. Only for you"  
  
Spike's Pov  
  
I feel like shit* My eyes open and close again when I see the bright sun. *Sun! What the bloody hell? * Slowly I slip back into un-conciseness.  
  
Back to Buffy  
  
** I sit there on the edge of the hell mouth, with tears down my eyes. Slowly I rise up. "I love you"  
  
"No you don't. Buffy, this is all your fault. If only you did love me" He stands there flames connecting our hands. He slowly turns to a corpse and right before he turns to ashes. "It's all your fault" **  
  
I shoot up out of bed, and then lay back down. The dream slowly faded away, all to soon I could only remember minor details. I could not see his face or hear his words. And I wouldn't be able to until I had another dream, and then I would forget again.  
  
*I can't remember the only man that ever really loved me. How pathetic is that? God, I miss him; I need him so much *. Big tears form in my eyes and slowly spill over. *Why can't he come back? I need to feel him *. I get up and put on my pink fuzzy slippers; slowly I slip on my robe and walk out of my room. The tears are still coming; I'm not to sure how to stop them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Spike!" I say love flooding over my voice. "You are alive". He comes to me and cups my face as tears start to fall anew.  
  
"Yeah, love. Don't be so sad to see me," he smirks his smile and I know that this isn't another dream. This is Spike.  
  
"I'm not Spike, I love you," I tell him  
  
"Oh, Buffy. You have no idea how long I have waited to hear you say that. He leans down to kiss me, but right before he does I wake up.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I shoot up out of bed, well; it is not really a bed it is a sarcophagus. My back is sore from sleeping on it. I loved and I lost. 


	10. Sleep, Blissful Sleep

A/N: Hello, my dear, dear readers. Well, I have some. I hope you liked to love and to lose. It was one of my shorter chapters so I guess I'm sorry about that. Well, not really. Any who, I have another story going, so I hope you don't mind if it takes a while. I'm trying to do update one then update the other. It is an original called The Dark side of the Moonlight, it is on FictionPress.net under the same name as this. Giraffe, duh. It is about a 13-year-old girl growing up in the depression. I hope that if you get bored you will go check it out. I don't think it is to bad, but that remains to be seen. This chapter is based on Spike, mostly. There are some Buffy cut ins at the beginning. In this chapter is where the PTB come in. Remember ***= PTB speaking  
  
They found me there, my friends I mean. Xander looked just confused, but Willow looked as if someone had slapped her. * What now I can't mourn my dead lover. Screw them *.  
  
"Buffy, are you okay?" Willow asked me  
  
"Yeah, fine. I mean what you just found me crying my damn heart out but I'm fine. I wasn't crying cause I'm sad I was crying cause I'm just so happy. See?" I say giving her my best fake smile. She did not say anything as they took me home.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~  
  
Spike's POV  
  
It took me a while to finally wake up, but soon enough I did. There I was in the sunlight, but it wasn't real sunlight, I think. I was in heaven, I think again. I was not sure, but there were so many bloody lights, and it was so bright, I swear I though that if I didn't turn to dust I would go blind. But then I heard something.  
  
***"Oh finally the vampire is awake. It has seemed like days," a voice said behind me. It was a woman.  
  
***"It has been days you idiot," another voice said this one was male  
  
"What ever you are going to do with me, please do it cause right now I have the worst headache in the world," I tell them.  
  
***"You, we are the Powers That Be! Do not speak to us like that," the second voice said.  
  
"Fine, Fine"  
  
***"Now what we are doing is making you a vampire again, sending you back to your world. Unless you want to be human," the first voice said. Before I could say anything else I felt sleep, blissful sleep overcome me.  
  
A/n: Again this is not one of my longest chapters, but oh well. 


	11. The Idea

A/N: Uhhhh... for once I don't have a lot to say. It's a miracle! Lol! Again I'm going to have this one not about Buffy. I'm going to have some Willow, Xander, and Dawn. I may have a few little parts about Buffy, but I'm getting sick of writing all about Buffy. I hope you enjoy. Please R/R! This chapter is not going to be long at all. Maybe four hundred to five hundred words long.  
  
Willow's POV  
  
Buffy had really worried us last night. I don't know if Xander saw it, but she was getting a little crazy. Spike turning to dust had really taken its toll on her. She was so helpless sometimes.  
  
'Hey, Wills. What are you thinking about so hard?" Xander asked me. I knew he was worried, but he didn't show it that much.  
  
"Buffy," I said simply.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Well, she seems okay to me"  
  
"Xander, are you blind? We couldn't find her yesterday and when we did we found her crying at Spike's crypt. That does not seem fine to me"  
  
"Chill, Wills. She has been through a lot you can't expect her to be fine and dandy"  
  
"You are," I said icily. I hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh, but it had.  
  
"You have no right to bring Anya into this. None at all," he said a little, well, a lot, hurt. He walked off after he said that.  
  
Is Xander right? Can I not expect Buffy to be fine after Spike turned all dusty. I mean I wasn't all right when Tara died and I guess Xander isn't okay in his own way. So Buffy is doing better then I did. Right? I mean she is depressed, but so was I. And at least she didn't try to destroy the world*.  
  
Xander's POV  
  
Willow had really hurt me when she had said that about Anya. She did not have any right to bring her into this. She was dead yes, but I wasn't taking it as well as they thought. I have dreams about her and she is every where. Willow doesn't know what the hell she was talking about. I handled it in my own way and how I do handle it is none of her business.  
  
Dawn's POV  
  
Buffy worried them and me. She stayed inside her room all day, and she didn't eat a lot. It was depressing to see my sister so sad. She was always saying about Spike not believing her. She confused the Scoobies and me.  
  
Willow's POV  
  
*Maybe we should set her up! *  
  
A/N: Next chapter will be about Buffy and some guy. It will eventually be B/S, I promise. Maybe I should set her up with Richard that dude from the Birthday episode? What do ya think? 


	12. Missing You

A/N: My sister went to Tennessee for a week with her friends and I am so bored with out her here. ( Oh well, she spent the night at a friends house yesterday and left today. Well, all I can say is she better bring me back a lot of souvenirs. (. To Rose, I hope I cleared up all your confusion! I am not going to go through with the whole setting her up until I feel right about it. I will write about them setting it all up and finding the right guy for Buffy, but I will not write about the actual meeting until later. Now on with the show! The song in here is by Kenny G featuring Chante Moore it is called One More Time. Enjoy!  
  
Buffy's POV  
  
I had to at least give my friends credit they had tried so hard to make me feel better. They had tried and had not succeeded. How could they? They were not him, they were not the man I had loved and the man I had loved. Spike was gone, at the time when he had really died I had not believed it at first, I had waited for him to come and save me from my nightmare. Never once when I gave him the necklace did I think he would die in the process of it. If I had I would have let Angel wear it. (A/N: Haha! Wasn't that funny, I don't like B/A together.)  
  
I went upstairs after idly walking around the kitchen. I walked to my room slowly passing Dawn's door. I heard her smooth breathing and knew that she was asleep, I should be, too. But, I could not sleep. I saw him there, some of them were good, but most the time he was just telling me it was my entire fault. I felt numb; it was like when I came back from heaven all over again. When I got to my room I lied down on my bed and turned on the radio, it was the same station as the one in Spike's room.  
  
I lie half awake late at night  
  
I reach out to touch you, feel you by my side  
  
And I reach and I reach  
  
But I never get to feel you, will I ever get to feel you again?  
  
Just more time one more moment  
  
To take you in my arms  
  
One more chance one more kiss  
  
Before I wake to find you gone  
  
One more time before I have to face another day  
  
and my heart breaks again  
  
It is only a dream, but it is all so real  
  
I don't want it to end, but I know it will  
  
So I pray and I pray  
  
Every night I am on my knees Begging for the chance to see you again  
  
Just more time one more moment  
  
To take you in my arms  
  
One more chance one more kiss  
  
Before I wake to find you gone  
  
One more time before I have to face another day  
  
and my heart breaks again  
  
(Music soprano saxophone playing)  
  
One more time before I have to face another day  
  
and my heart breaks again  
  
I fall asleep when it ends willing myself to dream of happy times Spike and I shared.  
  
Spike's POV  
  
I wake up only to find myself alone in a lonely place. No doubt in my mind that those bloody wankers put me here. The last thing I remember was them telling me I had a choice vampire or human. At first I had immediately jumped on being a vampire, but then I thought about it and I want to be human. I suddenly sense a heart beat and I think of food, but then I realize that I am alive, it is my heartbeat. I jump up and do a little dance, but then I stop myself and sit back down. I hear a loud door open and shut behind me and I know it is not the Powers That Be. A broad shouldered man is standing in front of me.  
  
"So, do I get to go home?" I ask.  
  
"No, you must wait till she needs you"  
  
"She? Who is she?"  
  
"The slayer," he answers simply.  
  
'Oh, great. The day the slayer needs me is the day that it rains in hell," I say sarcastically.  
  
"I'll have you know, it does rain in some hell dimensions," he tells me. "You will watch her, though. Hear her thoughts, see her. She of course won't know, but you will be watching her. You are her guardian".  
  
"But I'm bloody human"  
  
"No, you are not a human. It just seems like you are. You have powers. And when she needs her guardian, you will go". With that he left me alone to see and feel her. It was kind of like a magic screen. I saw and thought what she thought constenlly, but she didn't know it. * I could get use to this* I thought. Soon, though my *powers * were activated and I didn't think it was too great.  
  
There she was crying on her bed, asleep. Her radio was on to a soft jazz station and she was rocking back in forth. I saw her dream one of me telling her it was all her fault, then I die. She jumped up after the dream was over and pulled her knees to her chest rocking slowly like a mad woman. She sobbed loudly and called put my name. I felt horrible, and I was guessing that I was feeling what she was.  
  
My Buffy was depressed and tired. She looked almost as horrible as she felt. Red puffy eyes and a red nose, her hair was frizzed and un-brushed. She missed me. 


	13. Boring Authors Note

A/N: Hello, I am so sorry,but I am at a friends house right now and that is how I can use the computer. My computer got struck by lightning so we have to get a new one. I will post as soon as I can. 


End file.
